“How old are you?”
1. Not only purchasing Chacos (the collegiate equivalent to Crocs, see “20 Things They Don’t Teach You in University Perspectives”) but wearing them shamelessly. Jesus rocked those sandals, so can you.
2. That hot player from freshman year? You all have at least one who comes to mind….he’s significantly less attractive the second time around the block as a sophomore.
3. But still kinda attractive….dammit….
4. Ordering a salad at Chipotle. The Freshman 15 is real- and very, very scary. Acceptance is the first step to recovery.
5. Your Facebook newsfeed slowly transforming from what was once Spring Break photos to polished snapshots of couples and (gasp) engagement rings.
6. Coincidentally, the idea of adopting a cat becoming more and more appealing.
7. Accepting that your Dad is, in fact, always right.
8. ….and offering to pick up the check when he takes you to dinner (still with full intentions of letting him pay the tab)
9. Using “remember freshman year….” as the opening line to your best stories. Ah, the glory days.
10. Facing the striking fear that accompanies watching older guys flirt with innocent freshman girls, which has an uncanny resemblance to watching a deer unknowingly dart in front of a moving semi-truck, blinded by the headlights.
11. Leading to the realization that, with this kind of protective instinct, you might actually make a semi-decent parent one day….
12. Keyword: might
13. In about ten years.
14. Maybe fifteen….
15. Embracing one of life’s greatest truths: the only person in control of your destiny? YOU. No one else is responsible for your choices and direction. Live and let live has a whole new meaning as the big 2-0 approaches.
16. Coming to terms with your inability to twerk. Exploring other options. Ballroom Dance Club? Sure, why not.
17. Finally acknowledging that walking through the Ozark hills to get to class doesn’t actually substitute for a leg day at the gym. Midnight Taco Bell has, and always will, void this myth.
18. Accepting that, no matter what your age, the bouncer’s at every 18+ event will always ask you to spell out your ridiculously long last name and/or other information, should you happen to have the dreaded baby face.
19. Calling your mom for advice. Actually taking it.
20. Using a spoon when you eat Nutella from the jar, as opposed to pretzels, crackers….your hands….
21. Finalizing long term career goals. Whether it be filling out internship applications, or accepting a professional employment position in addition to course work, it’s time to put those big-girl pants on.
22. ……and mini skirts, on the weekends. Not retired just yet.